Beyond the pain principle

The majority of my years of being a distance runner and being a student have ingrained the correlation with discipline and action. To "practice" is not just to "be" but to "be doing" something - a form of work - mental or physical. I have been conditioned, my identity wrapped in the day to day practices - to associate hard work and constancy: typified by an intensity that is enduring, if not a struggle in order not just a be a runner and student but as requisite for being "good" or "successful".

Central to the principled, disciplined life was the presence of pain in actions of my conscious choice. Why? Because of what I will call the "pain principle," or the positive attribution of pain with success. Example: the person who wins the race is the one who runs past the point of hurting the farthest through the psychological self overriding the voice saying "STOP" within the physical body. I have garnered the accolades of "traditional" sense of success in sports less because of an innate ability but because of a toughness that persevered and pushed myself in all of the days leading up to the race just as I would apply towards having test  in one of my courses.

So, the idea of "tapas" in yogic thought is challenging for me as I find this concept of "practice" and of purification, pain and "burning" that I have seen in various definitions of the observance of "tapas"  to be antithetical to my practice of yoga. My teacher refers to himself as a "reformed pusher," and from him I have cultivated a curiosity at exploring rather than exceeding one's "edge"; an emphasis on the "middle way"; peace, equanimity, contentment; and non-violence - including towards the self.

So, within yoga, what does practice mean? I cannot comprehend what is meant by purification that involves practice or pain or burning that does not step outside of the path of yoga and onto the conceptualization of discipline in collegiate running and graduate school. Both of the latter being on the more extreme side of the continuum but part of the path that society positively reinforces at large.

Is this way of being not the cause of suffering?

The practice of walking. The role of walking sticks.

[the picture for this blog is at the heart of this post]

I believe from my life experiences and from those whom I consider to be my spiritual teachers that all phenomena from external reality to our inner feeling are analogous to a walking stick. "TAPAS" is often defined as "practice" or "discipline" and thus, practice our walk through life.

A sturdy walking stick provides a stabilizing, grounding companion across unsteady footing. While helpful, centering too much of your weight upon the stick can be a recipe for falling flat on your face. So, just how much do we lean on something outside of ourselves for support during our practice?

"On the yoga mat" - is another manifestation of walking. It is the combination of simply living which is constant as long as we are inhaling and exhaling  and the conscious choice of how I allocate my time and energy towards a day of living my life. During the disciplined practice of asanas (postures) I rely on objects outside of myself to deepen my practice. A bolster assists in opening my back; a block or belt or yogi partner in class are some walking sticks of yoga. My hand on a block enables me to further steady my body and thus further the degree of balance and flexibility in a pose. Even the yoga mat as an object like a walking stick in that it increases my feeling of security and safety to practice outside the limits of what is otherwise available to my body alone. Yet a yoga mat is much more than just a substance that improves my ability to grip the ground.

A walking stick enables me to sink into the oneness of myself with nature and all that is. Walking with my stick along Linville river I slowly open, creating a space deep within my being- a metaphorical gorge inside of me. Enduring time and the effort that creates the tension needed for change, the glaciers cut through the mountains of Linville Gorge, NC just as my lifelong journey with walking and running have peeled away layers towards revealing my deepest self.

I want burning.

 The one and only RUMI, translated by Coleman Barks


"I don't hear the words

they say. I look inside at the humility.

That broken-open lowliness is the reality,
not the language! Forget phraseology.
I want burning, 'burning'.
                 Be friends
with your burning. Burn up your thinking
and your forms of expression!

.....I can't say what's happened.
     What I'm saying now
is not my real condition. It can't be said.

....When you look in a mirror,
you see yourself, not the state of the mirror.
The flute player puts breath into a flute,
and who makes the music? Not the flute.
The flute player!
                 Whenever you speak praise
or thanksgiving....it's always like

this dear..... simplicity.When you look in a mirror,
you see yourself, not the state of the mirror."

Atha Yoga Anushasanam or Kerry's inquiry into TAPAS

!) Why "anushasanam"? 

2) Why add yet another blog to the mix? 

3) What will I be writing about?

1) Why "anushasanam"? This sanskrit word is the last word of the first of the Yoga Sutra's of Patajali. 

Anushasanam: 

- To start out, here is the definition given on an important yoga resource, www.swamij.com for "anushasanam," the last of the three word phrase of that begins one of the most significant of yogic texts. 

• anu = within, or following tradition; implies being subsequent to something else, in this case, the prior preparation
• shasanam = instruction, discipline, training, teaching, exposition, explanation; Shas implies the imparting of teaching that happens along with discipline

Taking the sutra as a whole: ATHA YOGA ANUSHASANAM, my yoga teacher, Devarshi, gave what I believe to be the most meaningful definition of the first yoga sutra. During my teacher training at Kripalu, MA in the summer or 2008, his translation was close to the following:

AHTA = NOW // YOGA = UNION // ANUSHASANAM = INQUIRY

-or- 

Now, the inquiry - the continuous struggle - the quest through the unknown-the union (and subsequent disillusion) of the self the non-self. 

The inquiry and practice seated in the "now" of the present moment, seated in question inquiring into this notion of yoga or union. 

......jumping between answering self-posed question 2 and 3........

3) This blog is the inquiry into a specific part of the "yoga quest" - specifically, into one of the ten observances or practices that comprise the first limb of Patajali's eight limbed path to enlightenment. This would be the niyama of "TAPAS". In reviewing the yamas and niyamas at the Open Heart Yoga School in Carrboro, NC with Ti Harmony..... I kept getting stuck here. So, I will be exploring, excavating from within, from external sources, compiling and contemplating the meaning and application of "TAPAS" in our lives. 

2) Maybe this is not a compelling reason for a blog. But, it intrigues me and at the end of the day, especially those days when life seems to be on a little less firm ground, what intrigues us is everything. 

If you are super interested in inquiring into "tapas" now, then I urge googling the word (note, we are talking things such as "practice", "discpline", "burning" and not so much about appetizer dishes here).

Though, I will be serving up bite sized portions of my inquiry into "tapas" as part of my daily cultivation of "tapas" or of "anushasanam" (depending on the translation you like).

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti,

Kerry Brewer