Dedicated reciprocity -There is a time for giving and receiving.
There is time when such exchanges occur between oneself and another and times when the actions involve the self only. The latter seems overlooked in what is reinforced in our society. The sentence barely seems to make sense:
"to give to and to receive the gift of the self by the self."
Yet, for me, this is a foundation action and focus of my energy. Perhaps it is my introverted nature , perhaps it is:
- my only child upbringing in a divided household
- the learned acceptance of the lack of another to sustain me during times of need in the past several years. Or, perhaps it is
- my innate independence that naturally assumes the role of sustaining myself.
Regardless, I find myself needing time and energy to dedicate to the process of rejuvenation of the self towards the end of the year. Maybe it is not so much this time of year as the by-product of the fall (semester)and what that tends to entail : the over-commitment leading to overwork and sense of being overwhelmed.
When overwhelmed, the practice of "tapas" as directed inwards towards positive actions towards the self and directed towards non-striving...... goes out with the bathwater, so to speak. The complex system of the self in context with people, places and the practices of everyday life requires a sustainable feedback loop.
BOTH attention and action when the system tilts the slighted towards schismogenensis require commitment (the beginning of a break in sustainability the process away from an adaptive system). Yet, in the midst of such a schism I dedicate my effort further from my self, focusing on everything but myself in attempt to redirect and fix the consequences of the spiral of too much (insert here) // over-(work / commitment / time / etc.). The symptoms but not the root cause. Much like our current health (or rather ill-health) care system.
At some point, usually not when needed but when able after the pulls on the system abate, I return to my cup and assess just how empty it is.I have learned to run on empty but also learned that this is not what I want my life to be. BUT it takes a concerted effort.
A process of dedication I find much harder; a commitment that requires much more effort. To commit to ensuring my cup is full enough - a process mostly of the self. The prerequisite for what I seek most- to continue giving of myself to what I have committed to doing / being.
The oddity thus- the over-commitment to the aspects of life undermines my ability to fully give and to fully receive. I will take this week to re-center and rejuvenate at the root .... at my center.
