December 2011- Back to blogging: Discrimination within dedication

Mid-December and it has been months since my last post. Why? Because I have not had "time". Which is of course not exactly true, though I say these words often. I have had time, I have just chosen to allocate my time between my different commitments and writing entries here did not make the cut.

I begin again to explore the notion of "tapas*," one of the ten practices included in the Yoga Sutras of Patajali with a question. There are a multiplicity of tasks that require the commitment of my time and energy, so many that some will not be able to be accomplished without sacrificing the quality and full presence.
1- How does one decide how to prioritize between the practices and people which comprise our daily lives?
2- What makes the "cut"- Which people? Which tasks at work and school? Which practices of daily living?
3- Should the level of commitment to that which does make the cut be reduced to increase the quantity of that which I decide to give of myself - my time and effort and energy and passion and love?

For those who know me, know It is hard for me to do things less than 100%. Yet, how many more things could I do if I did not over-commit - not to the number of tasks but to the dedication level I hold myself for a given task. Would this make life more rich for me and those I love or be a water down version of living?

I write this blog about tapas not because of my lack of ability to commit, to dedicate, to work hard but rather my inability not to do so. Obviously, I have chosen not to dedicate myself to this blog in the past months - why?

I believe that there must be a middle ground here and that is what I am seeking to find. I hope that re-initiating my inquiry and sharing it with those I know will help me in seeking answers to these and other questions.

I believe there is a discriminatory factor to the practice of tapas and that I need to figure out how best to give my time, energy, and my live and my self.........

- pkb

[*Tapas is interpreted to mean "dedication", "persevering practice" or "commitment"]