Lightness of being

A lighter post than my existential, philosophical writing yesterday (or somewhat at it turned out). Upon re-reading I realized two things: 1) I am not getting any better at representing my thoughts in words and 2) the thoughts that I ruminate on are on a different realm than most (and I don't necessarily mean in a good way).

One additional comment re: threads.... lately, I have been more cognizant.... strike that, have felt more, the weight of the desires & attachments to places, people and objects. I realize that while the interconnected array of my life is a network of support, of love and kindness, of beauty and compassion. However, in seeking to be reciprocal in the degree and nature of the in-flows of the above named positive qualities - I feel the heaviness in trying to meet such requirements.  As well, I feel the weight of others in meeting what I am subtly or explicitly asking.

Thus, the push and pull of these threads reminds me of how I long for a more simple life - the equivalent of traveling around Thailand for months with nothing but my backpack and ultimately, on my own. At times I wished I had "more" with me, but carrying the extra baggage around ultimately was not necessary. As well, I made very strong connections with people. In part I believe because I came there independently, by myself.

I had the freedom that comes from non-attachment to items or persons. I also felt equanimity towards the results of my day to day activities. I had no expectations and thus, nothing to "lose". I went with the flow of the day rather than being guided by my desires and obligations.

Perhaps "real life" is not like this. Perhaps, actually certainly, there are benefits to "carrying" more - dividends that are tangible and felt. But, at what cost? Both my most joyous and most sad moments have been with / involved another person(s). However, does one have to sacrifice the "lightness of being" - tying oneself to object and beings seems antithetical to the attainment of happiness. This is an internal process that manifests outwardly. It is amplified when shared. Yet, sharing that evokes desire, develops threads that tie one to another with the push and pull of thoughts, feelings, expectations of the other.....I am not so sure this is the path I am currently on.

I do question the concept of "attachment" to people, as with to things. How do we interact with others in a supportive and compassionate way while remaining untethered?

Life, lived through the senses

My favorite part about living in this area is the ability to get the best coffee in the Southeast and food from our local farmer's market as well as see a cow grazing in the fields, both within one or two miles.

For an "N" or intuitive vs. sensing person in the Myer's Briggs typology, I spend a lot of time in the focused inwards and in the imaginative, idealistic world of my mind. I think the reason I love running and biking (and yoga and surfing) so much is that these activities pull me back into my body. My sensing body interacting with the world in the present moment, sending perceptive signals to my mind connecting mind-body-nature.

Riding my bike out in the rural roads of Orange County: 

-seeing the idyllic rolling hills of vegetable fields, barns and animal pastures and the leaves dance in the wind;
-hearing a tractor and chainsaw, the sounds of cows, horses tempered by the hum of the wind in my ear generated from the movement of my body on the bike through space.
- inhaling and whiffing of the scent of blooming flowers and the occasional not pleasant smell of the pastures, mostly astounded by how consuming are the breathes of clean, country air.
- tasting the salt from the sweat dripping down to my lips as I take a sip of water

Above all, feeling the sensation of my body moving through space: my legs pedaling, I feel the tires grip the ground below, feel the wind against my whole being like a soft touch. The flow of prana - or life force - as I inhale all that is this section of the country road and exhaling myself
into my surroundings.... a glorious exchange; a beautiful fabric of each breath weaving together that which appears separate: my body and that which is not my body, becoming one with the bike that propels me forward and with my the engagement of each of my senses with everything around me.

Bike trip across NC

I had a renewed sense of pleasure (pun intended) from my "being-in-the-world" experience.  I felt the duality between mind & body disappear as well as the dichotomy between self and non-self disappear into a oneness with time & place.

Just a 45 minute bike ride. Such a simple activity but with the opportunity for it to be everything. Infinite number of moments and the infinite number of objects of the senses.

I felt it all.

PS- Picture is from biking across my lovely state with my best friend in life. Journal of the week-long trip here: click here or url: http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/Sustain2007

The practice of walking. The role of walking sticks.

[the picture for this blog is at the heart of this post]

I believe from my life experiences and from those whom I consider to be my spiritual teachers that all phenomena from external reality to our inner feeling are analogous to a walking stick. "TAPAS" is often defined as "practice" or "discipline" and thus, practice our walk through life.

A sturdy walking stick provides a stabilizing, grounding companion across unsteady footing. While helpful, centering too much of your weight upon the stick can be a recipe for falling flat on your face. So, just how much do we lean on something outside of ourselves for support during our practice?

"On the yoga mat" - is another manifestation of walking. It is the combination of simply living which is constant as long as we are inhaling and exhaling  and the conscious choice of how I allocate my time and energy towards a day of living my life. During the disciplined practice of asanas (postures) I rely on objects outside of myself to deepen my practice. A bolster assists in opening my back; a block or belt or yogi partner in class are some walking sticks of yoga. My hand on a block enables me to further steady my body and thus further the degree of balance and flexibility in a pose. Even the yoga mat as an object like a walking stick in that it increases my feeling of security and safety to practice outside the limits of what is otherwise available to my body alone. Yet a yoga mat is much more than just a substance that improves my ability to grip the ground.

A walking stick enables me to sink into the oneness of myself with nature and all that is. Walking with my stick along Linville river I slowly open, creating a space deep within my being- a metaphorical gorge inside of me. Enduring time and the effort that creates the tension needed for change, the glaciers cut through the mountains of Linville Gorge, NC just as my lifelong journey with walking and running have peeled away layers towards revealing my deepest self.