The fire of ingratitude

In yoga class last night, my teacher talked about gratitude. About cultivating a feeling of gratitude in the moment.

The question or rather proposal posed in class was that it is a choice to feel grateful in a given moment. Yes, there are people in this world who are suffering and reasons to personally feel less than grateful for all of us. But, how does the opposite of gratitude or the lack of gratitude serve us or others? Also, that gratitude should be a feeling based on the present moment and not on objects of the past or future.

I have a hard time with this teaching. There is so much I feel grateful for in this world- people, places, memories, dreams, the present moment- at times. I also struggle with life: with people in the world who are suffering at present, with myself at present (especially on this particular day of feeling unwell physically) and the scars of my past and uncertainty of my future.

Given the suffering inherent in the world and given that yes, we should recognize that and work to do something about it, there does still seem to be the option to either smile and laugh or cry. Given things how they are I am unsure of whether it is better to be happy and gracious and joyful or to be grateful when the feeling arises. For me and for those for whom I interact, are we better served to exude steady positive feelings or to internally be with and externally reflect whatever the feeling is present at any particular moment.

What is the opposite of gratitude? My teacher proposed it to be: the "fire of a feeling that lacks gratitude". I fire that purifies and churns us and like all fires burns away and/or transforms that which is burning. What would be on the other side of allowing ourselves to not feel gracious when it is appropriate to do so (and when is it appropriate to do so?).

Is there a choice here? I discipline to apply to one's thoughts or one's feelings? Does it get easier with practice?

The ingredients for a dancing star

"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star" 
                       - Isa, yoga teacher from coastal Oaxaca, Mexico

During our recent trip to the coastal  town of Playa Zipolite in Oaxaca..........

Atha Yoga Anushasanam or Kerry's inquiry into TAPAS

!) Why "anushasanam"? 

2) Why add yet another blog to the mix? 

3) What will I be writing about?

1) Why "anushasanam"? This sanskrit word is the last word of the first of the Yoga Sutra's of Patajali. 

Anushasanam: 

- To start out, here is the definition given on an important yoga resource, www.swamij.com for "anushasanam," the last of the three word phrase of that begins one of the most significant of yogic texts. 

• anu = within, or following tradition; implies being subsequent to something else, in this case, the prior preparation
• shasanam = instruction, discipline, training, teaching, exposition, explanation; Shas implies the imparting of teaching that happens along with discipline

Taking the sutra as a whole: ATHA YOGA ANUSHASANAM, my yoga teacher, Devarshi, gave what I believe to be the most meaningful definition of the first yoga sutra. During my teacher training at Kripalu, MA in the summer or 2008, his translation was close to the following:

AHTA = NOW // YOGA = UNION // ANUSHASANAM = INQUIRY

-or- 

Now, the inquiry - the continuous struggle - the quest through the unknown-the union (and subsequent disillusion) of the self the non-self. 

The inquiry and practice seated in the "now" of the present moment, seated in question inquiring into this notion of yoga or union. 

......jumping between answering self-posed question 2 and 3........

3) This blog is the inquiry into a specific part of the "yoga quest" - specifically, into one of the ten observances or practices that comprise the first limb of Patajali's eight limbed path to enlightenment. This would be the niyama of "TAPAS". In reviewing the yamas and niyamas at the Open Heart Yoga School in Carrboro, NC with Ti Harmony..... I kept getting stuck here. So, I will be exploring, excavating from within, from external sources, compiling and contemplating the meaning and application of "TAPAS" in our lives. 

2) Maybe this is not a compelling reason for a blog. But, it intrigues me and at the end of the day, especially those days when life seems to be on a little less firm ground, what intrigues us is everything. 

If you are super interested in inquiring into "tapas" now, then I urge googling the word (note, we are talking things such as "practice", "discpline", "burning" and not so much about appetizer dishes here).

Though, I will be serving up bite sized portions of my inquiry into "tapas" as part of my daily cultivation of "tapas" or of "anushasanam" (depending on the translation you like).

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti,

Kerry Brewer