The chemistry of candle wax

A candle in a dark room illuminates. The sun rises above the horizon of the ocean and rays of light illuminate the earth. What does it mean to be an illuminating presence? How can we remain a source of light for ourself and others. I have come to see that "Tapas" is related both to light, the by-product of burning and to the practice of burning.

I think of an inner candle burning. How does the candle become and remain lit? What comprises the fuel and what acts as the match or catalyst for living a life full of light? I pose this question because to me, the concept of a burning inner candle is related to living each day fully alive.

I want to be enlivened and from an inner burning candle that adds brightness in my days...so much so that it spills over into a light for others.

But, why does it seem that some days I have more light to give than others? Some days I feel like I am barely exuding light.

• Is this because I am running low on inner wax? 
• Because external circumstances are a filter or cloak over the bright flicker in my soul?
• Is my practice strong enough to endure that which makes me want to do anything other than be openly and fully alive? 

I believe one important part of the meaning of "tapas". To have the discipline to live such that I burn as brightly as I can while not over-drawing or under-drawing. How much do I have to give and what I need to keep in reserve? It is easy to float through the good days ignoring efforts at regenerating the source of my light as well as becoming caught in burning "the candle at both ends" as they say. Then, when times are hard, I find myself with little in reserve, literally consumed by the fire of the joy and sorrow of life.

In the chemistry of the soul, what is the equation for sustainable illumination? How much illumination is within me and what are my sources for "re-fueling"?






Most who know me know that I am a fiercely independent and passionate person. Life circumstances have added to my general personality to burn brightly - whether due to my inner drive or the compassion for those in need to be all that I can be. I admit to also being pulled by the forces of those whom we love and care about for which I want to give as much of myself as I can.

The lesson here for me recently is two-fold:
1-It serves no one at the end of the day to burn brighter than the rate at which you are replenishing that which gives light.
2-Life is fleeting and always changing. When there are external factors in life - from family to friends to relationships to co-workers to actions receiving positive reinforcement, to simply doing a rewarding tasks - take care.  I believe in a life lived fully always. This does not mean to cease practice of the inner renewing inner sources of the "wax" of the candle.  The people and circumstances outside of your self could change at any moment, leaving you with yourself.

Without the disciplined focus and continued practice at all times ensures the mechanism for self-generating wax does not get rusty. Also, that there an inner strength that not only keep reserves for times when the days are hard. To remain resolutely engaged in replenishing practices will make life only the more illuminated at all times.

Re-starting is like picking up running after a year off and expecting to perform as you did a year ago.  It is easy in our society today to forget that running ability and performance is cultivated and if left alone will result in sub-par performance likely when it is most needed. or does modern life's consumer culture offer these sorts of candles for sale when we are running low. As most who have run have learned, it is a great equalizer. In our capitalist culture of believing that money can buy all......there is no price for making running easy just as the source of the light within us is priceless.