Gratitude (inspired by today's run)

Today, unlike the days of this summer, everything fell into place with no complicating factors coming between me and feeling infinite as I ran. The temperature only 80 degrees and cloudy. I found myself not awkwardly configuring my stride to accommodate my knee but rather finding that place where I can run without effort. And my body did not fight back either. I did not feel tired, I could breath calmly, the endorphins were flowing and I felt stronger and stronger as I ran.... and ran further and further still.

I FELT INFINITE. 

I AM SO THANKFUL.

this is life fully lived. i am feel such gratitude.

(PS - pictures to be added to this post from today's trail run)

Read on for why I have not run (really run) on the trails in several months; why I love running; and more on why tonight's run was magical......

A variety of factors have prevented traversing our community's abundance of natural surfaces. All it takes is one variable to force circumventing planned runs, though usually its a confluence of reasons which include:

• my persistent left knee injury- My inner quad is not listening to impulses from my brain or my quad is "on strike :o....either way the result is that my knee cap does not track and "catches" - one of the most searing pain, instantly on the ground sort of feeling .Most of the time it just feels very unstable and easily irritated. The injury has plagued my running (and walking) for the majority of the last year
• the summer deer fly - I have an immense hatred of the deer fly. There are very few things I hate and I have written about the deer fly from a literal perspective, metaphorical and philosophical / existential perspective.... so is my resistance to this creature. Long story short: they appear on the trails (or in the woods) during the summer months. Odds are about 80% that sometime during my run a deer fly will begin chasing me, continuously swooping in to sting my head, unrelentingly following me for well over a mile. Losing the deer fly once tailing you is nearly hopeless: running faster and it speeds up, slow to a walk  or stop and it becomes even easier for the deer fly to sting, taking a hat or taking off my shirt and swinging whatever object in circles around my head simultaneously fends off the deer fly's attack and intensifies it's angry pursuit.
• health (or lack of) in the heat- one of the primary symptoms of my mysterious illness is low energy. Many days I do not have the energy to run. If I could run more consistently, I actually tend to increase my overall energy but limiting my running to maybe once a week due to these factors listed here doesn't cut it to keep a baseline of running fitness that would enable running with more ease - running mostly just feels hard all of the time. Amplified by the stress that heat causes on my body's overall functioning in the summer and the chances of an enjoyable run are all the less likely.

I love running because of my 15 years of memories of falling into the flow of my stride, my breath, my body moving with agility through space. All of my thoughts also are shed and my mind becomes peaceful and clear. I lose my"self" in the present moment. I return from a run rejuvenated  often with an overall clearer sense of purpose and direction if not gleaning an insight into a specific conundrum - a challenging problem in a class or life's big decisions (to move or not? to go to graduate school here or far away?).

Six miles. Ha, six miles (compared to past year of averaging at least six miles a day) and I write a post on gratitude. But, six miles is everything in a summer of shorter stints in which I mostly walked and "walked" away with a sense of profound frustration and longing for the running that has had such influence on shaping who I am today.

I tapped into that source - that union and embodiment of my environment, my feet touching the ground and grounding through my foot I propel forward through time and through space feeling a oneness of the senses and of my surroundings.